Pistonheads @ PalmerSport, Bedford Autodrome

In the PalmerSport brochure, this event is described as "A driving day like no other". Having just experienced it, I cannot agree more. Un-chuffing-believable.

Our day, organised through the excellent Pistonheads website, started at an ungodly 8am. Registration was quickly over and we were all assigned randomly to a 'team' for the day: Senna; Schumacher; and my team, Piquet. This was basically just to split us up into groups that could use different areas of the facility concurrently. The upshot of it is that the order in which you drove the various cars was equally random. I got lucky; my day finished with the most awesome drives available. More of that in a bit. :)

First for Team Piquet, it was the Caterhams on the tight and twisty East Circuit. Sadly, I didn't realise just how cramped the pedals would be and I struggled to change gear while braking. The sun strip on my visor was also so low I couldn't see more than a few yards in front of the car. Add to that a late realisation that my instructor had dual controls and was interfering with my braking and I was struggling to get a feel for the car. Granted, I can't blame my 3 or 4 spins entirely on those things, but it didn't help.

Next were the Clio and Porsche on the North Circuit. I was really looking forward to the Clio, as I figured it would be reminiscent of my old Cooper S. And so it was, only it was like the Mini's rougher, tougher younger brother. The little bruiser positively encouraged you to be a hooligan — which was in stark contrast to the 911. I have to confess, I never got the hang of the Porsche. My overly-aggressive turn-in repeatedly saw the tail swing out and neither backing off nor applying more power — as advised by my instructor — seemed to help. I must've spun it 3 or 4 times. So much for my 911 aspirations. :( Perhaps there's an epiphany waiting to happen, but I'm no longer interested in finding it.

So, onto the final car before lunch: the Jaguar XKR. I'd really not been looking forward to this, as I expected it to be a triumph of inertia over fun. How wrong could I be?! As we set out onto the circuit, my instructor advised me that I could be quite brutish with it and it would reward me. Sweet! And he was dead right. I was immediately up to speed and having a whale of a time chucking it here there and everywhere. What a revelation! Which makes it so much more of a shame that I got consistently worse during my laps in it. Corners I'd been getting 95% right were suddenly being botched as I neglected them in favour of the ones I'd not got right. Regardless, the XKR had won me over; only its over-eager traction control and satellite-delayed gear shift let it down.

Following a very nice lunch, we headed out again, this time to the Land Rover course and the head-to-head Caterham auto-testing circuit. While the Landie was the perfect post-lunch discipline, I have to confess to being a bit slack and hasty on it. I got a very average score.

The Caterham, though, was a very different prospect. The standing start alone was enough to make me think I have to get myself a Superlight. Hold the revs at 3500 then sidestep the clutch as the lights go out. Any normal car would either judder violently or make more tyre smoke than forward progress, but this little rocket ship just shot off the line without fuss. Unbelievable. While I got an ok time out of my 3 attempts at the course, I sadly never managed a donut. My attempts to feather the throttle in search of a controlled slide just saw the donut peter out. Never mind. The car had been so much fun and so instinctive, you almost forgot you were driving.

And so to the final three: Le Mans-style JP1, go-kart, and Formula Jaguar single-seater. I couldn't have hoped for a better end to the day. If I thought the day so far had been good, this was to blow my mind. The JP1 was first and what an assault on the senses! The low seating position and open cockpit really brought the drama of it all home. No matter what speed we were doing, the adrenaline was pumping hard and fast. Even moreso when I spun it into the gravel! That off, at an embarssingly slow speed of 65mph, was thanks to a combination of not looking far enough through the corner, trying too hard to hear the intercom over the engine, watching the cars in front of me instead of the track, forgetting where the track went and simply being so low that I couldn't make out the circuit markings. Mostly though, I just reacted too aggressively when I realised I was going off-line and the car was oversteery enough to punish me. When I finally got out of the car, I knew that the last 10 or 12 minutes had been worth the £640 alone. It was that good.

A brief respite before the single-seater came in the form of a quick spot of karting. The course was short, twisty and narrow, but good fun nonetheless. After a couple of laps stuck behind someone, I finally got past and enjoyed a clear track for a minute or two. Before spinning under braking, that is. Oooops. :) I got another couple of okay-ish laps in, plus another spin (from which I had to extricate myself, seeing as no-one came over to push me out of the tyres) before it was all over. Best time of my group, but I'd have to wait till the end of the day to see how the remaining 40 punters had done. Still, I knew it was my only chance of being close to a trophy.

Before the final reckoning, however, there was the single-seater to go; the perfect finale. As we were given a couple of guide laps round the circuit, I was at the back of 5 or 6 cars. When we were let loose, my first action was to drop back in the face of a "SPREAD OUT" board shown by the marshalls. An inauspicious start, but even after giving the guy in front a good 5 to 10 seconds, I was soon back on his tail, but it was clear he'd not seen me. On the exit of a sweeping right, I decided to pass by staying left while he got back to the right-hand side of the circuit for the next chicane. Only problem was I mistimed it and caught up too early. With the extra momentum, I had nowhere to go. He was still hugging the outside of the corner's exit and so I shot out onto the grass to avoid a spin from turning too tightly. Miraculously, I got away with the 70mph daisy-cutting and bounced around a bit before teasing it back onto the circuit.

Another couple of laps later, I was still up his chuff and he was given the blue flag to let me past. I happily shot through and, with a couple of laps settling-in under my belt, I blasted away from him. The car was, to my suprise, incredibly user friendly and an absolute joy to drive. With clear track in front of me, I was able to push harder through the sweepers of turns 4 and 5 and realised exactly why professional racers need good neck muscles. My head was being buffetted about all over the place and pushed back into the headrest. At first, I took this as a sign to limit my throttle input, in order to stay in control, but then I started to enjoy it. I realised it was just something you had to attune your mind to. Grit your teeth and show it who's boss. The car was more than willing to go faster; I just had to match its abilities with my own. And what a reward. I have truly never known anything like it. Even the JP1 delivered only half the thrills of this dream machine. Don't even think to compare it to a fairground ride. More like a centrifuge in which your right foot is directly and instantly controlling the G forces. If this is what Jenson Button does day in, day out, he is one lucky, lucky man.

And then, it was all over.

So, back to the hospitality suite for a snack and the prize-giving. In a lot of the events, it turned out I had given acceptable, and occasionally respectable, performances. And then the result of the karting. As soon as it was mentioned that the winner came from the Piquet team, I felt like an Oscar-winner. Even before my lap time and name were called out, I knew it was me. Amazed and over the moon, I regretted not having a shave or combing my hair that morning more than ever. Even more amazingly, I actually looked all right in my trophy-acceptance photo. It may only have been for a fast lap in a go-kart, but to actually win something was beyond my wildest dreams. As was finding out later that I'd come 8th overall out of 59 drivers across all events. What a day. WHAT a day. :)

Some final points worthy of a mention, even if not a paragraph:

• Three meals were included in the price of the day. However, these weren't your usual race-circuit rubbish; it was excellent quality. Full English and/or cereal and fruit to start the day, braised lamb shank with roast veg plus dessert for lunch, and rounded off by a light tea of sarnies and cakes. All of it to a very high standard.
• As an indication of the calibre of the staff at Palmersport, my instructor for both the XKR and JP1 was James Gornall, current British GT champion. He was a great instructor too; pushed you hard and gave a constant stream of advice. Thoroughly pleasant bloke to boot.
• The Caterhams were an affordable revelation and have shot up my next-car list as a result. Of course, it'll mean owning 2 cars, but I think it might just be worth it. :)

One last thing: the contrast between this day and the other 'track experience' days I've done could not be sharper. Whereas other event organisers put tight shackles on your use of their hardware, PalmerSport really do get you to push the cars. And I mean really push them. And thanks to their quality setup, the cars themselves can take the punishment even better than your own car on a trackday. This makes a whole world of difference. My previous track experiences had been... well, a real disappointment. PalmerSport, however, was superb. If you can save up £650, I urge you to forego the new TV and get yourself booked in at Bedford Autodrome. It'll live with you forever. :)