Motors and Me

Many years ago, my mother established the tradition of getting me a motoring-related calendar for Christmas. She’s still doing it, despite the fact I’ve told her I have no use for calendars outside of Outlook. The best thing I can say for them is that they usually put a nice picture on a small area of the wall for a year. Unfortunately, in 2003, that picture will be of a Formula 1 car. All year round, I’m going to be reminded of how little I now enjoy a sport that used to have me captivated. From time to time, I’ll even get to smile wryly at the Arrows F1 car staring out at me. *sigh* You know, I really don’t enjoy F1 these days. The only thing about it that I can look forward to is Jacques Villeneuve venting everyone’s frustrations or making a stupidly daring overtaking manoeuvre. That man personifies everything that used to be great about the sport and now he’s pretty much the only fire left in its belly. Shame, damn shame.

...he says you should have been a racing driver. And almost means it. It’s either that or he’s trying hard not to sack me. ;) Whatever, it was a nice ego massage. I’ve also made a strong mental note of his (drunken) offer of a drive in his Impreza P1 at Croft . I wonder whether he remembers saying that...

Well, dear reader(s), it’s nearly Christmas, so it must be time for each motoring magazine’s Car of the Year issue. (Beware: spoilers ahead!) True to form, both Car and Evo have theirs out at the moment. For someone like me with a vested interest, these issues are compulsory reading. Of course, I’ll only buy them if my car (or prospective car) does particularly well, but then good memories are better than bad ones, aren’t they? First out of the blocks, it’s Car magazine , the title for enthusiastic motorists who still know where their pipe and slippers are. Actually, in Car magazine, it’s their Performance Car of the Year issue, which suits me down to the ground. So then, where does the Cooper S come? Fourth. “Not bad,” you might think, “fairly respectable, I suppose.” Then you look at what beat it. First was the Zonda C12S, followed by the Ferrari 575M and then the awesome Mercedes SL55 AMG. “Holy shit!” you’re now thinking. “The Mini clearly didn’t stand a chance against that ki

Did you see Faking It last night on Channel 4? This week it was the turn of Phil Deane , a videogame tester, to receive a month of training to turn him into a passable single-seater racing driver. Did he make it? In a word, no. The guy was a complete idiot whose opinion of himself was elevated so far above everyone else’s it was unreal. I would’ve killed for the chance that ungrateful fool was given. Hell, I’d give my right testicle for just a day’s driving at Rockingham , let alone a month of it. Tosser.